


Blackouts and Panic

by Anonymous_Cupcake



Series: Whumptober (Eiji Edition) [13]
Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Ash once again fucks up, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Okumura Eiji Gets A Hug, Okumura Eiji Needs a Hug, Panic Attacks, Power Outage, Someone get this boy some therapy, Whumptober 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:09:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27581171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonymous_Cupcake/pseuds/Anonymous_Cupcake
Summary: Prompts 18 (Panic Attacks) and 27 (Power Outage)And maybe it was because it was dark, or because thunder could be heard the moment the door slammed open, or maybe because Eiji was thinking about Dad at the time— a combination of all three was plausible— but Eiji jumped out his seat when the door slammed against the wall.He wasn't in New York anymore. He was back home, where the smell of alcohol lingered even when there wasn't a drink in sight.(Aftermath chapter added!)
Relationships: Ash Lynx & Okumura Eiji, Okumura Eiji & Okumura Eiji's Dad
Series: Whumptober (Eiji Edition) [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1947514
Comments: 18
Kudos: 140





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I can't put a link atm cuz I wanna post this before I forget but there's a cover of SIU that I absolutely love and will link when I get the chance  
> EDIT: [Here it is!](https://youtu.be/_nCW-DLAnuE)  
> Edit edit: I got a discord for people who want updates about my work or if you just want to chat about Banana Fish  
> https://discord.gg/SfWtu25bbH

The storm was getting worse. Eiji paced back and forth the apartment as the rain continued to pour and the wind blew harsher. Ash was going to come back home and get sick, he just knew it! The teen couldn't be bothered to look at the news and called Eiji a worrywart when he said he should take an umbrella.

"Jokes on him now." Eiji thought. "He's gonna complain tomorrow when he wakes up feeling like shit."

Even with those thoughts, Eiji was still worried. He hoped he'd come home soon. Stopping his frantic pacing to calm down, Eiji nearly screamed when the lights suddenly turned off.

"A power outage too?" he groaned, grabbing his phone from the table and turning on the flashlight. He sat down on the couch and turned the light off. No use wasting the battery when he didn't need to do anything important.

The longer Eiji stayed in the dark, the more his mind started to wander. Was there a storm in Japan too? Did his sister hate him for running off? The thought of his sister hating him left a bad taste in his mouth. If it wasn't for the fact Dad was in the hospital he'd probably be—

No, Eiji told himself he wouldn't think about him. That was the promise he made himself when he landed in America. The whole point of the trip was to forget, if only for a brief moment. Technically speaking, it worked. With everything that happened during the first two weeks, this was the second time Eiji thought of his family. His mind was plagued with other troubles, and his minuscule issue with Dad took a backseat in favor of the grotesque horrors that New York cursed him with.

And maybe it was because it was dark, or because thunder could be heard the moment the door slammed open, or maybe because Eiji was thinking about Dad at the time— a combination of all three was plausible— but Eiji jumped out his seat when the door slammed against the wall.

He wasn't in New York anymore. He was back home, where the smell of alcohol lingered even when there wasn't a drink in sight. The footsteps grew louder and louder as Eiji's mind went on autopilot, the only goal to be away from the danger. Eiji ran into his room, closing the door before hiding in the corner. He curled up on himself in hope he'd disappear, a hand over his mouth to hide the small whimpers that escaped his lips.

"Fuck!" Dad growled, stomping around the house. As he searched for a victim, Eiji couldn't help but berate himself because he just abandoned Mom and Ami. He was the oldest, he was supposed to help them. And yet, Eiji was frozen in place. He buried his head in his arms as he let the darkness consume him.

———

"Fucking hell." Ash muttered as he made his way into the apartment complex. The whole day had been nothing but shit, and on top of that, there was the shitty storm. So what if he was acting slightly more aggressive? He'd calm down eventually but right now, he needed to express his frustration on the objects around him.

It took a few tries to open the door with the power out. By the time Ash got it in he slammed the door open. The door knob might've dented the wall but he'll get it fixed later. He stomped around, slamming the door shut and kicking his soaked shoes off.

"Fuck!" he yelled, shrugging his jacket off. He needed to change, maybe take a shower to calm down and warm up when the power came back on. He turned his phone on and clicked the flashlight option, letting the light illuminate the path to the bedroom.

It wasn't until he got closer to the door that he realized Eiji had yet to yell at him for making a scene.

The lights flickered back on. He turned his phone off and hesitantly put his ear to the door. It was faint, but small whimpers could be heard on the other side.

"Fuck." Ash whispered, opening the door a crack. Eiji was in the corner of the room, his knees to his chest as he sobbed in his arms. Was it because the lights went off earlier? Ash cursing and slamming things probably didn't help either.

Ash opened the door wider and stepped inside. "Eiji," he started to say, but the older teen flinched and his head shot up. The way he was shaking, the way his eyes were wide open with fear, Ash never saw Eiji in this state before.

" _Gomenasai_ ." Eiji cried, hands now covering his ears as he shook. " _Gomenasai, gomenasai, gomenasai_ …!" He repeated the word like a mantra. Ash inched closer, stopping himself from reaching out in case he reacted badly.

"Eiji," Ash tried again, his voice slightly firmer than before. "It's me."

His words fell on deaf ears. Eiji was too far in this headspace and wherever he was, it didn't seem to be New York. He was a stuttering mess of _gomenasai_ and _otosan_. Ash knew the first word meant sorry, he'd hear Eiji mumble it often. The other one was new, but he recalled a conversation Eiji had with Ibe once where the word came up quite frequently.

At the time Eiji said they were talking about his parents.

He wasn't sure how to get to Eiji. If he yelled, he might make it worse. He grabbed Eiji's arms and forced him to look at him.

"Eiji, it's me. It's Ash." he whispered, hating the way Eiji flinched and leaned away. Slowly, Eiji turned to look at him.

"Ash…?" Eiji stared at him, like he needed to make sure it was really him. He suddenly pushed Ash away.

"Eiji—"

"I don't want you to see me like this!" Eiji cried. He forced himself up and ran off. Stunned, Ash stayed on the ground for a second before getting up and following. He heard the _click_ of the bathroom door right as he slammed into it. He could barely hear Eiji's apology. Ash considered knocking, but now he questioned if any more loud noises were necessary.

"Please, just forget about all this." Eiji whimpered from inside. "Just let me calm down and then ignore me."

He was asking for the impossible, but Ash didn't know what else to do. He stayed by the door, knocking quietly every now and then to let Eiji know he was still there.

The fear, the flinching, _otosan_ , it was giving Ash ideas about what happened. He silently cursed at himself. How did this never cross his mind? He thought about their time in Cape Cod, the way Eiji hated being around his dad. He didn't think anything of it at the time. On their way to L.A, Shorter mentioned how Eiji talked back after Ash left.

_"Max calmed him down but man, the dude looked terrified! Like he thought your old man would punch him or something."_

Is that why Eiji came to America?

Either way, Ash messed up. All he could do now was wait for Eiji to open up.


	2. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ash takes care of Eiji.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Done! Still have to link the song I mentioned in the 1st chapter, will do that soon.

It's been an hour, maybe an hour and a half. Ash was sitting next to the bathroom door. His clothes had begun to dry as a wet spot formed underneath him. He'd clean it later. Eiji had yet to leave the bathroom or open the door. To say Ash was worried was an understatement. It pained him to have to wait, but it felt fair after practically causing Eiji to have a panic attack. Eiji had no right to tell him anything after this, but Ash hoped he'd tell him something. Getting a therapist was unfortunately out of the question because of their current situation.

How was Ash so helpless when it came to helping the person that was so important to him?

He jumped up when he heard the door unlock. Red eyed but mostly composed, Eiji stepped out of the bathroom.

"Hey." Ash said, still worried he could hurt Eiji. He hesitatingly wrapped his arms around Eiji, hoping the gesture was alright. Eiji slumped in his arms, basically becoming dead weight.

"Your clothes smell bad."

The normalcy of the statement shocked Ash. "Yeah, I didn't take the umbrella with me." he laughed softly. The two stayed in that position, slowly swaying side to side as Eiji kept his face pressed into Ash's shirt. Ash didn't want to press him, so he opted to run a hand through his hair. It seemed to work, as Eiji continued to take deep breaths.

They couldn't stand forever though.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?"

"I…" Eiji stilled. The question caught him off guard. "There isn't much to talk about."

"Maybe. But I'd like to hear it."

"It's not that important."

"It was important enough to make you have a panic attack."

"T-that was just because it was dark!" Eiji argued, "and because the door slammed open."

"I'm sorry."

"What? No, it wasn't your fault." Eiji pulled back from the hug to look at Ash.

"I was in a bad mood and slammed the door."

"But you didn't know."

"I don't want to accidentally hurt you again. I won't ask again if you really don't want to say anything."

Eiji slumped in his arms again. "A part of me was happy when your dad got shot."

"He was a shitty dad, it's alright."

"It really isn't…"

"I'm guessing my dad reminded you of yours?"

Eiji nodded. "Can we sit down first?"

Ash smiled. "Of course. Sit on the couch and let me change."

Ash went back into the bedroom once Eiji sat on the couch. He changed out of his damp clothes and found something more comfortable.

This is the most he's learned about Eiji despite being with him for months. It seemed it was easier for them to ignore their pasts until they couldn't. Ash didn't want that. He wanted to know more, know how to help.

He wondered if Eiji had woken up in a cold sweat without his knowledge. If he ever balled up under the covers and silently cried until he entered a dreamless sleep. He always seemed to be up when Ash had a nightmare.

How could he be this blind?

When he got back to the living room, Eiji had unraveled the blanket that was on the other end of the couch and was wrapped up. The rain outside had lessened, now only a drizzle compared to the previous storm. Ash took a seat next to Eiji, careful not to sit on the older teen.

"Did your dad ever hit you?" Eiji whispered.

Straight to the point.

"No," Ash admitted, "everyone else did it for him." He didn't want to make it seem like he was trying to downplay Eiji's experience, but the words left his mouth before he could stop. Eiji hummed in acknowledgement.

"Dad did. If he got home before me he'd hit Mom. He never hurt Ami because she always threatened to tell people."

Ash couldn't help but notice how small Eiji looked right now. Hiding under a blanket, balled up and whispering, like a kid.

"I… didn't realize how wrong it was until Ibe came by and pulled us aside to ask about it. That's part of the reason he took me to America. And then I saw your dad and…" Eiji trailed off, lost in his mind. He stuck his hand out from under the blanket and Ash immediately held it.

"You don't know how badly I wanted to cry when I saw how he treated you. He's worse than mine." he finished.

"Don't compare. They're both shitty." Ash refuted. He's been in that headspace before, where his problems and issues seemed miniscule compared to others. Ash's response made Eiji tear up— he looked like he was ready to cry the entire time— and he held his hand tighter.

"I'm still sorry."

Ash sighed. "No more apologizing, ok?"

"You're asking a lot from me."

"I'll make it slightly better. No more apologizing for things out of your control."

Eiji shifted around so that he could put his head on Ash's lap. It felt similar, like their roles were reversed. Ash ran a hand through Eiji's hair, the same way Eiji did not too long ago.

"I think I can do that." Eiji whispered, closing his eyes and drifting off again into a peaceful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My motivation for this was because I watched Outlast and piece of Outlast 2 last night and damn the warnings were there for good reason and I was not ready (it did give me a good idea for a prompt I haven't done yet)

**Author's Note:**

> What do you guys think? Should I make a comfort section (or should I make it attempted comfort?)


End file.
